


What is Love?

by PervyPenguin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, M/M, introspective, only minor destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9413273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PervyPenguin/pseuds/PervyPenguin
Summary: Cas has been trying to determine exactly why he feels differently for Dean than Sam.





	

Castiel has known love. He thinks. As an angel, the first command from their Father was to love humans, love His creations. And the angels did. And of course, they loved their brothers and sisters. Right?

But the longer he thought about it, maybe they never truly did. Abandoning the humans for millennia after Father left… Was that really love? Starting the Apocalypse certainly showed no love for God’s creations. Killing each other in terrible ways wasn’t how a family that loves each other acts.

So maybe Cas _hasn’t_ known love. Or hadn’t, before the Winchesters. What started as an order, a mission to push Dean towards his destiny had slowly morphed into a true family. With time, Cas started to differentiate between the obligation that had been the Host and the mindful choices that made his feelings for Sam and Dean strong.

Still, there was something wrong. He _knew_ he loved both Sam and Dean. He would die, had died, for both of them. Anything he could do to help was theirs for the asking. And yet… he didn’t react the same to both Winchesters.

With Sam, it was warmth and comfort, long comfortable silences as they researched or read together. It was watching documentaries and exchanging ideas and talking animatedly about some point of lore. Love with Sam was easy, a steady tide.

Dean, though… Cas’s feelings for Dean were a thunderstorm, electric and fierce. Just being in the same room seemed to make the air crackle, his skin tingle. Sometimes, when Dean was working on Baby and got oil and dirt smudge on his face, Cas felt the strongest urge to reach out and wipe it off. When Dean was hurt, Cas wanted more than to merely heal him, he wished to comfort him, to hold him close and protect him, if only for a short while. A smile from Dean would make Cas’ day; a genuine laugh could make his week.

For weeks, Cas sought out the answers on his own. He read poems and stories, listened to songs and watched movies, all of which claimed to show love. They were often contradictory, and some seemed downright wrong. Still, he seemed no closer to a true answer. Was there something more to how he felt for Dean? 

He was reading yet another book on love when Dean came into the library.

“Hey, buddy, you wanna watch a movie with me? We still gotta give you context for all that info Metadouche popped into your head.”

Twenty minutes later, Dean has inched closer to Cas and tried to be subtle about the way he reached for Cas’ hand and twined their fingers together. A faint pink blush stained his cheeks, as though he was embarrassed by his actions. His eyes were content and his mouth pulled in a satisfied smile, though.

In the end, Cas decided being precise in his definitions didn’t matter. As long as he had this, whatever it was, with Dean, he’d be happy. 


End file.
